1 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:30,480 [LOCK BEEPS] 2 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,680 -All right, Pusface? -Shh! 3 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,920 -What are you doing? What? -Come here! 4 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,400 -Quickly! -What are you looking at? 5 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,000 -Dad's got no top on. -He never has a top on. 6 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,200 Yeah, but... 7 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,080 -Shit! -He's been doing that for ages. 8 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,880 And he just keeps on looking and looking... 9 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,760 What's he... Why's he looking at his... 10 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,640 I dunno. It's not good though, is it? I mean, it's funny, but it's not good. 11 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:51,880 It's definitely not good. 12 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,000 -Whoa! -Whoa! Magnifying glass? 13 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,080 ADAM: That's a new development. 14 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,200 JONNY: Why does he need it magnified? 15 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,760 I really don't want to know. 16 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,280 So, what, this just means it's very small? 17 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,400 Or very thin? 18 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:05,560 -Lice? -Mice? 19 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,280 -Martin? -Shit. It's Mum! 20 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,440 [INAUDIBLE] 21 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,160 JONNY: What are they saying? 22 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,960 Well, he's probably not telling her he's been looking at his cock 23 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,280 for the last half hour. 24 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,080 -Oi, I know what it is. -Go on. 25 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,800 -Dad's grown another one. -Nice, two of them. 26 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,280 Yeah, stereo. 27 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,880 Hello, bambinos! 28 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,160 -Hi, Dad. -Hi, Dad. 29 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,280 -What's so funny? -Nothing. 30 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:30,920 -How are you? -What? 31 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,000 -How are you? -Oh, yeah. Fine, fine. 32 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,840 JACKIE: Hi, boys! BOTH: Hi, Mum. 33 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,720 Yeah, move along, move along. 34 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,680 -Are you switched on today? -What? 35 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,120 Are you switched on today? 36 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,320 Oh, yes, sorry. No, my hearing machine's not quite... 37 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,640 -Two penises. -[MARTIN GROANING] 38 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,040 -Are you sure you're okay? -Yeah, it's just my knee. 39 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,000 -Your knee? -Yeah, bloody knee! 40 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,200 What's so funny? 41 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,960 Oh, is he still going on about his bloody knee? 42 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,360 -Hello, darling. -Hi, Mum. 43 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,640 All right, Mum? Your hair looks nice. 44 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,640 Thanks. Yours looks horrible. 45 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:58,960 Yeah, I just need the loo. 46 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,160 Yes. Goodbye, Martin. 47 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,320 -So, no Alison? -Oh, yeah, where's your girlfriend? 48 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,880 -Oh, she couldn't come. -Because she doesn't exist? 49 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,480 -[JACKIE LAUGHS] -Very funny. 50 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,040 No, she did say sorry. She's with a friend. 51 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,120 -ADAM: Simon? -Oh, nice soup. 52 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,720 -Simon? -Yes. 53 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,360 -ADAM: Her boyfriend. -Shut up! 54 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,480 -Definitely sleeping together! -At least I've got a girlfriend. 55 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,160 -True. -Who you share with another man. 56 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:22,880 Oh! 57 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,480 Excuse me. 58 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,560 Uh! 59 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:42,880 Ah, gotcha! 60 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,800 Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. 61 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,240 Gotcha! 62 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,760 [SMACKING LIPS] 63 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,160 -This is amazing, Mum. -Thanks, darling. 64 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,120 Mmm, very nice, Jackie. Lovely bit of squirrel. 65 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:00,280 [CHUCKLING] 66 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,960 [MARTIN LAUGHING] 67 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,720 So, you like my hair, then? 68 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,280 -Yeah. -Yep. 69 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,120 -I had it done. -Your mother had her hair done. 70 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,000 -We know. -Mmm, yeah, she had a flaky scalp. 71 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,680 -Martin! -Oh, Dad! 72 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,360 -What? -Thanks for telling them! 73 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,520 -It's not in the food, is it? -Thank you very much. 74 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,200 But... 75 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,880 I'll get some more ketchup, then, shall I? 76 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,760 -Nice one, Dad. -Yeah, but I found flakes! I... 77 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,360 So, Dad, you, um, you hurt your knee? 78 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,360 -My what? -Your knee. 79 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,280 -What about my knee? -You hurt it? 80 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,000 Did I? Oh, yes, yes. 81 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:45,240 So, um, how'd you do it? 82 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,920 -What? -How did you do it? 83 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,800 -Um, banged it. -Oh. On what? 84 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,240 -My other knee. -Right. 85 00:03:56,280 --> 00:04:01,720 -Here, Your Lordship. -Ooh, lovely. Tomato blood. 86 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,280 [GRUNTING] 87 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,240 -Mum, good news. My thing's on tonight. -Mmm, what thing? 88 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,960 You know the music I did for that ad? That jingle? 89 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,720 That he didn't get paid for. 90 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,320 -They took me out for lunch, actually. -Oh, sorry, paid in potatoes. 91 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:13,960 Shut up, Jonny! It's on tonight? 92 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,200 Yeah, later, on the radio. It's not a big deal. 93 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:21,080 Oh, that's wonderful, bobble! Ah! 94 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,440 [KISSING NOISILY] 95 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,920 You're going to do so well. Aw. 96 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,880 Martin? 97 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,600 Martin! Adam's jingle's on tonight. We mustn't forget to listen. 98 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,120 -Oh, and tell Alison to listen, too. -Okay. 99 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,320 Although won't she find it difficult with Simon's balls in her ear? 100 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,680 -[JACKIE LAUGHING] -Ha-ha! 101 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,880 -[DOORBELL RINGS] -BOTH: I'll get it! 102 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,280 Who's that? Don't they know it's Friday night? 103 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,200 -What are you up to? -Nothing. 104 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,440 -Oh, hi, Jim. -Hello, Jonny. Your mum there? 105 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,560 -Um, it's Adam. -I'm Jonny. 106 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,600 Always get you mixed up. You look so similar. 107 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:04,880 BOTH: Do we? 108 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,200 Good boy! 109 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,880 Um... 110 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,480 JACKIE: Adam! Could you tell him to come later? We're eating. 111 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,760 Do you mind if you come back later? We're just eating at the moment. 112 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,160 -Mmm, something smells good, eh? -Yep. 113 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:21,440 We're just about to have our din-dins, aren't we? Aren't we, Wilson? 114 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,280 -[WILSON WHINING] -The, er, chops. 115 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,920 -Right. -Oh! 116 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,680 It's just about the sponsorship form for charity. 117 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,080 Your mum said she'd sponsor me for... 118 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,080 MARTIN: Oh, tell them to bloody go away! 119 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,360 JACKIE: Martin! 120 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,280 If you could just come back after dinner. 121 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,200 Yes, I'll see you later. 122 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,080 -Thanks, Jonny. -Adam. 123 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,120 Come on. 124 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,600 Come on. 125 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,440 Come on, Wilson. 126 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,480 Yeah. 127 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,680 He must think I'm such a mean cow. 128 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,680 He keeps asking me to sponsor him, but I'm always busy. 129 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,560 What's he doing, anyway? 130 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,720 Oh, some charity badminton or backgammon game or something, 131 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,200 I don't know, you know. 132 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,640 -Er, they're quite different. -Who was that, the council? 133 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,080 The council? When has the council ever been round? 134 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,560 -What? -What? 135 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,840 Adam, your mother tells me your radio jingle is on tonight? 136 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:25,320 Rather formal. Um, yes, sir. 137 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,880 Well, it's a start, you know. 138 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,040 And who wrote the music? 139 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,720 -Um, I did, Dad. It's a jingle. -Brilliant. 140 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,480 -And what's it for? -Car insurance. 141 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:37,880 -Ooh, the big time. -Thank you. 142 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,640 -Ooh, cars. -Car insurance. 143 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,280 Well, well done, Adam. 144 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,200 -To our favourite son! -Yes, the favourite son! 145 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,280 [BOTH LAUGHING] 146 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,160 To our favourite son. 147 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,800 -Ugh! -JACKIE: Oh! 148 00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:58,640 JONNY: Ugh! 149 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,600 -There you go. -Oh, thanks. 150 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,080 -What shall I do with this? -Oh, we'll put that back in the bottle. 151 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,240 -What? -Put it back in the bottle. 152 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,160 I'm not doing that. Just throw it away. 153 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,200 [GRUNTING] 154 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,720 -What are you doing? -It's a waste! 155 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,400 It costs like 1p! 156 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,840 -Just go away. -God's sake! 157 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,520 TV ANNOUNCER: ...the competition on the Kent coast, 158 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:32,480 birthplace of John Dean, inventor of... 159 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,600 -Oh, get off! -Stop it, you two. 160 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,280 It's Italian-born hairdresser Marcello Marino. 161 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,720 MARINO: The menu says everything about me. 162 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,280 Well, I'm Italian, you know... 163 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,520 [BELCHING] 164 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:46,160 -Oh, please. I hate that. -Sorry, Mum. 165 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,600 [MOUTHING] 166 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,000 -[BELCHING] -Just bloody stop it! 167 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,760 Sorry, Mum. 168 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,840 -Mum? -Hmm? 169 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,160 How come you've got more pictures of Pissface than me? 170 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,120 -Your face annoys me. -Right. No, really. 171 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,080 -Really. -Fair enough. 172 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,040 [PHONE BEEPS] 173 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,200 -Your bloody phone. -It's only a text! 174 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,000 -Why don't you turn it off? -I don't want to turn it off. 175 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,840 Huh? 176 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,200 But... 177 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,160 Oh. 178 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,120 Uh, Adam, could you come here a moment? 179 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,360 -What? -Can you just come here? 180 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,000 -What do you want? -Martin, what do you want? 181 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,000 -It's nothing, Jackie. Adam? -What does he want? 182 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,760 -What do you want? -Just bleedin' come, will you? 183 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:41,960 Jesus! 184 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,480 It had better be important. 185 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,640 Where's he... The toilet? 186 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:52,160 -Do you think he's gonna show you his... -Oh, God! 187 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,880 -Well, come on! -[SIGHING] What are you doing? 188 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:56,560 Not you! 189 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,560 -Will you shut the door? -What? 190 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,080 Shut the door. 191 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,000 Right, this is normal. 192 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,280 Adam, can I speak to you a moment? 193 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,840 Um, okay. Is there no one else you can talk to about this? 194 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:23,520 -What? -Is there no one else you can talk to? 195 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,040 Well, not really, no. 196 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:30,080 [SIGHS] Okay. But, you know, I am your son. 197 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,320 I know. 198 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,960 Well, I'm just saying now I really don't want to see it. 199 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,720 -See what? -You know, your... 200 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:43,240 -My what? -Nothing. 201 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,400 -So, um, Adam. -Yes? 202 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,840 -Any...? -Sorry? 203 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,440 -You know, any...? -Oh, Dad, not this, not... 204 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,280 -Females. -Females! 205 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,080 Do you have to call them females? You're not a policeman. 206 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,560 -Okay, birds. -Birds? 207 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,600 -All right, chicks. -Chicks! 208 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,360 Oh, hello, Elvis! 209 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,720 -So, no females, then? -No, no females! 210 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,200 No girlfriend at the moment. No females. Can I go now? 211 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,000 -No! -I'm going now! 212 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,960 -Nice family piss? -Go away, Jonny! 213 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,240 -Did he show you his... -No, it's not about that. 214 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,880 -Oh. Females? -Females. Yep. 215 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,160 -Adam, here. -What? 216 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,280 -Right, thanks, excellent. -What is it? 217 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,640 -Dating sites. Jewish dating sites. -Brilliant. 218 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,880 Now, did you know there are places you can go now, 219 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,240 on the internet, to find girls? 220 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,560 Are there? 221 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,280 Yes, Dad, I know. Girls on the internet, yes! 222 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,120 -Well, how did you know? -Because I live in the world? 223 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,320 -What are you all doing? -Nothing, Mum. 224 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:40,480 It's just Adam's potty training. 225 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,320 -Oh, go away, Jackie! -Shut up, Martin! 226 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:44,600 Females. 227 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:46,960 Oh. 228 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,800 [SHUTS DOOR] 229 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,200 Right, so we're all just going to stand in the toilet and... 230 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,160 -So? -So what? 231 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,240 So, are you going to go on the internet? 232 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,800 Well, yes, at some point I will go on the internet! 233 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,040 -To look at girls? -What do you think the internet's for? 234 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:11,840 No, I mean, to look at girls, girlfriends, not just bosoms. 235 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,000 -"Bosoms"? -Martin! 236 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,360 JONNY: Brilliant. 237 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,840 Although, I think you should go on the internet. 238 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:18,040 -Even more brilliant! -Shut up! 239 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:21,560 -Seriously, Adam. -Mum, I'm not going on the internet! 240 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,280 You are going on the internet. 241 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,040 What, you're going to make me go on the internet to look at women? 242 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,200 -We're only trying to help. -Shut up, Jonny! 243 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,080 Just have a little look with Dad on the internet. 244 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,440 -I have to look with Dad? -Beyond amazing! 245 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,040 Sorry, can I just... 246 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,840 JACKIE: Oh, no, Adam! MARTIN: You little sod! 247 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,120 [COUGHING] 248 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,000 Right, I'm telling you I'm not going on the bloody internet 249 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,400 to look at girls with Dad! End of. 250 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,800 -£20. -Done. 251 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,840 -Oh, she's nice. -No, she's not. 252 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:56,720 -She's purty. -Have you ever seen a woman before? 253 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,760 -Well, what about her? -She looks like Mum. 254 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,120 What? Ooh, yes! 255 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:07,280 "I love life." Why do they always say "I love life"? 256 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,920 Well, what do you want them to say, "I hate death"? 257 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,880 Or this one. "Bubbly personality". 258 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,960 We all know what that means, don't we? 259 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,920 -Yep. "I am part whale." -Uh-oh. 260 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,080 [TEXT MESSAGE BEEPS] 261 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,920 Dad, can we stop now? 262 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,680 [TAPPING KEYBOARD] 263 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,360 That's a man. 264 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,960 -You're on men now. -Yes, all right! 265 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:39,800 Still on men. Dad, Sports Jock 69, please! 266 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,520 -Found a husband yet? -Ugh! 267 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,840 Any news on the... 268 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,160 [COUGHING] ...three penises? 269 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,960 Adam, women! 270 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,840 Oh, look how old they are! 271 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,600 You're meant to be finding me someone to go on a date with, not bury. 272 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,360 -What about her? -Ooh, she is nice! 273 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,160 Dad, she's just the advert for the site, she's not real. 274 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,120 -You what? -She's not real! 275 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,880 Well, she looks pretty real to me! 276 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,520 [LAUGHING] 277 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:05,880 [COUGHING] 278 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,720 JACKIE: Adam, when's your jingle thing on? 279 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,760 Oh, my God, my advert! What time is it? 280 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,400 Oh, shit, it's on any minute! Coming! 281 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,400 Such a poof. 282 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,120 20 quid, thank you. I heard that. 283 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,880 Oh! 284 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,800 ADAM: Ha-ha! 285 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,440 I can't believe no bloody radios work. 286 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,040 You've got a million bloody radios in this house 287 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,720 and none of them bloody work! 288 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,320 All right, enough with the bloodies. We'll find one! 289 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,960 I'm going to miss my bloody advert. 290 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,000 Martin! 291 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,560 Why have you got all these batteries, anyway? Is Dad building a robot? 292 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:42,920 [LAUGHING] 293 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,200 -JONNY: Found one! -Brilliant, he's got one. 294 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,000 -There you go. -What? 295 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,560 -It works! -Oh, well done, Jonny! 296 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,440 -I'm not listening to it on that! -Why not? 297 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,640 -Because it's a duck. -It's not a duck, it's a radio. 298 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:54,800 [RADIO PLAYING] 299 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,200 We're just going to have to listen in the car. 300 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,520 -The car? -Yes, the car. 301 00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:00,520 Where are... Dad, are these your keys? 302 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,760 -Hmm? -Are these your car keys? 303 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,040 -Yes, why? -Right, come on, hurry up! 304 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,680 We're actually going to listen in the car. 305 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,000 -Come on, Martin. -Where are we going? 306 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,320 -Come! -[DOORBELL RINGS] 307 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:16,040 -Um, is your Mum there? -Have you been there the whole time? 308 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,440 [CAR LOCK BEEPING] 309 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,120 Hi, Jim, I'm so sorry, I can't stop. We're in a real rush. 310 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,160 It really won't take long, Jackie. 311 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,120 [STUTTERS] You look nice. 312 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,320 Um, it's just you said you'd sponsor me. So, if you'd like to fill in this... 313 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,320 I'm sorry, Jim. Come on, Martin! 314 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,520 I can't stop now. We are in such a hurry. 315 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,160 No, there's no time to lock up now! 316 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,720 Yes, but... Where are we going? 317 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,360 It's for cancer! 318 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,320 Sorry. 319 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,200 -Where are we going? -Oh, that was so rude. 320 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,320 He definitely thinks I'm a mean cow. 321 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,040 Now, how do I get this bloody radio... 322 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,960 [MUSIC BLARING] 323 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,920 [TURNS VOLUME DOWN, ALL SIGHING] 324 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,800 Oh, my God, that was the loudest thing I've ever... 325 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,360 [MUSIC BLARING] 326 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,960 [ALL SCREAMING] 327 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,960 -Adam! -You idiot! 328 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,680 -Oh! -Oh, Christ! My God. 329 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,120 Was it loud? 330 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,040 Adam, I think you should just... 331 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,360 Can you drive a little so at least it looks like we're going somewhere? 332 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,320 Shut up, Mum. How can I turn this back on? 333 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,960 -Erm... -Please, Adam! 334 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,160 [TEXT MESSAGE BEEPS] 335 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,080 Not another bloody text! 336 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,800 Well, try pressing that. 337 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,240 [AIR BLOWING] 338 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,400 Oh! Now I've got boiling air going right in my mouth! 339 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,120 Martin, don't you know how your radio works? 340 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,280 [ADAM SIGHS] 341 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,760 Thank you! 342 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,160 Well, does it matter about the radio? Can't we just go? 343 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,400 We're not going anywh... Oh, tell him, Jonny! 344 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,000 Dad, we're not going anywhere. 345 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,200 So why are we all sitting in the car? 346 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,680 Oh, my God, I can't bear it any more! I can't get this bloody thing to work! 347 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,920 -Jonny, turn the duck on. -It's not a duck, it's a radio. 348 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,960 -Just turn it on! -Such a knob. 349 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,920 [RADIO STATIC] 350 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,520 Shh! Adverts! 351 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,680 MAN: [ON RADIO] ...Potterton's Furniture Warehouse, of course! 352 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:03,040 -Is this it? -No, it's for car insurance. 353 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,080 Car insurance, remember? 354 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,440 Get down to Jacob and Potterton's Furniture... 355 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,320 Is it good? 356 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,240 It's not the one yet, Dad. 357 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:15,040 Oh, he's still looking at us. Adam, will you just drive? Drive! 358 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,240 All right, Jesus! 359 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,760 Where are we going? 360 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,280 Unit 28, Walkers Way, Wembley. 361 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,960 WOMAN: Us girls come in all shapes and sizes. 362 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,920 That's why choosing the right tampons is important... 363 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,920 -JACKIE: Ooh, is this it? -Yes, my advert is for tampon insurance. 364 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,920 Whether you have a light flow or a heavy flow... 365 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,200 -Tampons. -Tampons. 366 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,920 MAN: [ON RADIO] Looking for cheaper car insurance? 367 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,560 Then look no further, because Hangerford Car Insurance 368 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,400 can find the cheapest and best deal for you. 369 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,400 Whether you're a first time driver or you've been on the road for years... 370 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,640 -Where's the music? -Shh! 371 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:46,920 ...price comparison sites, 372 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,360 just call us direct, call now. 373 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,240 Call Hangerford, 08081 57 double 0 double 0. 374 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,240 -That's 08081 57 double 0 double 0. -Where's my music? 375 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,480 -MARTIN: Is it good? - 376 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,600 The bastards! 377 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,520 [MUSIC PLAYING] 378 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,800 [GASPS] Oh! Oh. 379 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,080 Here, bobble. 380 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,360 Three frigging notes they used, three frigging notes. 381 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,320 Ah, but they were lovely notes, weren't they, Jonny? 382 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:21,880 [MIMICKING HANGERFORD JINGLE] 383 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,240 Yeah, Adam, could you pass me that a moment, please? 384 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,160 -Sorry? -Could you pass me my... 385 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,960 -What, this? -Thanks. 386 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,640 -Go on, Adam. Pass it to Dad! -But... 387 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:34,920 Come on! 388 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:46,360 Here. 389 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,560 Right, won't be a sec. I just need to, um... 390 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,680 Boys, why does your father keep taking his magnifying glass with him 391 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,040 -every time he leaves the room? -You noticed! 392 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,440 He keeps doing it. What's he looking at all the time? 393 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,200 -Right! -Mum! 394 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,360 Dust particles! 395 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,560 I told you, I was just looking at stuff. 396 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,360 Martin, I'm not stupid, you know. 397 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,920 -Mum. -Leave him, it's fine. 398 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,360 Stop it, boys. I've seen him. 399 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,640 He's been going in and out of that toilet all day 400 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,920 with that bloody magnifying glass. 401 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,480 Just tell me. 402 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,640 What have you been looking at the whole time? 403 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,280 And please don't say dust particles again. 404 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,360 Look, I told you... Ow! 405 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,040 All right, is it something to do with your penis? 406 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,440 -Mum! -What? 407 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,360 Have you got something wrong with your penis? 408 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,600 -My what? -Your penis! 409 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,000 Oh, my penis, right, my penis. 410 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,080 -Well? -I was bitten. 411 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,280 -Bitten? -Bitten? 412 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,160 -Yes! -On your penis? 413 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,840 Were you bitten on your penis? 414 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,880 Yes! On my penis. My penis, yes. 415 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,480 I wish everyone would stop saying penis. 416 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,840 -Well, bitten by who? -By a bee. 417 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,320 -A bee? -A bee? 418 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,240 Bitten by a bee? You mean stung by a bee. 419 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,080 -That's what I said! -Oh! 420 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:02,400 Sorry, Dad. 421 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,520 Martin, why didn't you tell me? Are you okay? 422 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,000 -Well, not really, no. -Oh! 423 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,520 So you were stung by a bee. When? 424 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,600 When I was having a wee. 425 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,880 You were stung by a bee when you were having a wee? 426 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,520 Yes, I got stung by a bee when I was having a wee. 427 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,120 -What, in the bathroom? -No, not in the bathroom. 428 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,960 Course not in the bathroom! In the garden. 429 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,000 In the garden? What were you doing weeing in the garden? 430 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,240 Having a wee. 431 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,880 Martin, do you normally wee in the garden? 432 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,760 No! Only if it's a nice day. 433 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,480 -Unbelievable. Let me have a look. -ADAM: Oh! 434 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,160 -It's fine. -Stop it, Martin. 435 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,120 Adam, get the calamine. 436 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,480 Oh, well, I'm off! 437 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,720 -Ow! God! Jackie! -Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. 438 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,400 -Our Dad pisses in the garden. -Yeah. 439 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,840 I wonder if he craps in the bins? 440 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,840 Here. 441 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:10,760 Oh, shit! 442 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,560 [MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY] 443 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,360 [TEXT MESSAGE BEEPS] 444 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,800 Wilson, shh. Wilson. 445 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,560 Hello. 446 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,440 -But... -Why would you say 447 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,640 that my father had four of them? 448 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,560 I really don't know. It must just be a terrible mistake. 449 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,240 I'm so, so sorry. 450 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,520 Well, goodnight, Jim. 451 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,320 -Yes. -Well. 452 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,560 Indeed. 453 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,760 -Dad? -What? 454 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,560 Show us your cock.